Friday, January 5, 2007

"strung out like some christmas lights, out there in the chelsea nights"

my understanding of a Korean having 10 too many drinks...there I am stumbling home from the bars at 7am on a side street, and suddenly spot buddy zig zagging along from the opposite direction. As he nears, the duder approached me (the whitest kid for 18 blocks) with that song "what if God was one of us, just a stranger on a bus" blaring from his overly-static cell phone speaker and asks for directions (in KOREAN)...and even though I speak a whole 30 words of the language, I can detect his slurred words to be a complete mess. The full on confirmation of his drunkenness was evident when luckily I made out that he said 'Pai Chai Univerisity' at the end,...meaning he's looking for the big ass school which is about 200 yards back in the direction he's coming more SoJu for that man!

a bit back we had an 'Open Day' at the school, meaning the Kindergartens parents could make an appearance and observe my ass pretending to teach. In preparation for this momentous event, the Director's wife took it upon herself to rummage through some of the kids prolific work I'd had piled on my desk. So, needless to mention, upon my arrival the next morning, I was pleasantly surprised to behold some of these works proudly framed on the walls of our class. As my eyes scrolled through the sheets under the section labelled "colouring", my sight became fixated on one picture in particular, it was coloured to perfection, too good to be true and was the only sheet displayed with no name on it. My curiosity was sparked as to discover the identity of the talented artist, I was amazed, it looked too good for a kindergarten to have been responsible...that's when it hit me...'No way, that's mine... I did that! (understand I'm a more than willing combatant to sit down with em and giver during drawing period)...About time a school pays respects to a 24 yr olds colouring coordination alongside the incompetent youngsters. The humour continued inside when I imagined one of the parents inquiring whose hand was responsible for that which I worked up a set response of "well actually, that's your lovely daughter or son's".

Keeping with the big day...on the eve of the parents witnessing disaster, the director's wife decided to do a complete practice run of how it would go down, meaning identical lesson and kids undertaking a pre-run on all activities (you know, give the parents a completely fake image of our operations). Fast forward to the live event, the children are proudly sitting in front of their inventors, I confidently hand out the pre-played activity sheets, upon receiving it, 'Lucy' (one of the bright ones) turns around and whines something in Korean to her mother, I think nothing of it until I notice my Korean assistant (again only there for this 'special' day) laughing and inquire what was said, to which I hear "she told her mom 'we did this yesterday'". I felt so ashamed I ordered all the papers back and told them "alright forget that, we're doing things like normal". Resultingly, fun was had by all kids and the teacher, odd thing is the next day I was left to question how either 5 kids got sick overnight or their parents pulled the plug on their kid taking in my 'shit show' any longer.

one more for Christmas....I sit down to start a lesson with a class of kindergartens the other day, when a student 'Kevin'(pictured below) looks over, with a big smile wrapped around his face and states directly at me "Aaron teacher Paboo" (Paboo meaning "stupid" in Korean). He thought he was the coolest thing since sliced 'Kim Bob', unfortunately for the little leaguer, I was taught the translation of the word just days before. I sternly stare back at him and in my fake angry voice stammer "WHAT?, did you say Aaron teacher Paboo?". Never have I seen a look of amusement wiped off a head so quickly, his face went completely pale, he drops into weak kindergarten defense and points at the the kid to his left, actually thinking he can throw the blame, as if he didn't 'blurt that out in my direction from 2 feet away with my giving 100% attention', his case falls to 'jimmy not paying attention said it'. Than, when I authoritatively shake my head 'no' and point at him, he knows the guilt isn't gonna drift out of that seat and I than question "So aaron teacher is Paboo, Kevin?", he shakes the head back and forth, dashes his eyes away and goes silent trying to let it slip. And that's when it did, in actuality I was quite proud of the kids work, he brought me back 18 years and showed me an exact replica of myself at 6. snorkeling is sexy.

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