Thursday, January 4, 2007

"friends and family call me up, say 'your alright, but what the fuck'"

oh man, I'm chomping at the bits to spit this one out and hopefully you can enjoy it as much as I did seeing it unfold in front of mine eyes.

yours truly has befriended this guy 'Kevin'(pictured below) from Winnipeg. I knew straight away this kid would be a solid friend when he showed a quintessential side of my brother. Let me elaborate...I just meet the guy and he begins by spending 30 minutes explaining to me why he enjoys the taste of Rum and Coke, now I'm thinking, he's either Justin to a T or this guys an alcoholic. This while I'm in the middle of a game of pool, its my turn to shoot and here I am in quite a position trying not to be rude to my opponent, while also fending off giving the same rudeness to a friend I just met. Now, normally at home with my bro, I could and would just walk away without feeling guilt (he knows he's got me on 1,302 other topics), but its rather tough here. Regardless, I try to conclude his sentiment for him "yeah, rum and coke is great, it gets you drunk, cheers" and go take my shot, but when I get back in ear distance he picks er right up at the last word he uttered...incredible.

here's his story. Kevin is currently a prisoner of Korea, he is stranded here. You see, his school's director and recruiter arranged for him to acquire a fake diploma from the university of Illinois State, now Kevin has never even been inside the state itself, but he tells me "apparently, I'm extremely intelligent in Arts and Sciences", and you know what for the sake of helping innocent Korean children learn English, Kevin excels in Arts and Sciences. He got about 4 months into his contract when the wrong people uncovered this understanding and suddenly Kevin was kicked to the curb, booted out of his apartment, lost his job, and to top it off, the person who arranged and agreed to get him the fake credentials (the director) freezes his bank account and refuses to fork over his plane ticket home, upon discovering this news, Kevin jets to the bank, he demands to have his money, the teller puts out 1,900,000won on the counter in front of him, before he can grab it, his director comes in from behind him, takes hold of the money, and takes off for the door, Kevin stood there in shock, not knowing what to do. He confesses now to wishing he would have drop kicked the director right there to get his money back, but at the time all he thought was 'she just stole my money, that's robbery'. Unfortunately, the Korean courts somehow don't see it that way, and the director is getting away with taking his money. Kevin has himself worked out a deal with the prosecution, where they have agreed to not jail him so long as he doesn't try teaching anywhere else here. But, he finds himself stuck in Korea, crashing at his Korean girlfriends, no income and desperately working out some court proceedings and holding out for the director to at least give him his plane ticket home. The money is dwindling down, but hell he still knows how to party.

I know, I know, at this point "Aaron, Aaron, that's great you know, really interesting, but you just took away a minute of my precious life to fill me in on the details of 'Kevin from Winnipeg's' drama, frankly, i don't care". But, oh you will, I had to initially exasperate that introduction to set up this next little tale.

friday of this past weekend we elected to go to a new club opening, called 'Fuck Club', yeah so you can see why we went to check it out. after all the obvious obnoxious jokes were said on the journey "i wonder what the fuck this place is like.....where the fuck is it.... so this is fuckin it eh, what the fuck", we walk in and there is sparsely a crowd, but the Koreans present come rushing over, we liked the look of the place and were pining over staying, but there was a bar below it, with all you can drink for 10,000won ($10 american). So, Kevin threw out the brilliant idea of having his girlfriend tell them to offer us a deal and we would stay. And than right there in the middle of the dance floor, his girl and all these ecstatic korean ladies start having intense negotiations, it looked as though things were getting pretty elaborate, as if they were discussing the acquisition of a $2,000,000 company...and when the verdict finally struck down "We're on" (offered 9,000won for all we could drink) and immediately we were whisked away to the bar, sat down and than they proceeded to fill the counter in front of us with beers, it was like being back in the Dominican, minus the sunburn.

While finding a way to complain about not having a beach present, I turn to Kevin and intelligently comment "man, Koreans really trouble pronouncing some English words", wow, what a mind blowing genius observation, is that what a university of ottawa education looks like. Thankfully, he spared me some idiot patience and didn't punch out my expensive front teeth. Rather, he sportingly played off my hand..."yeah, actually 'young ju' (his girlfriend) has a problem with the word 'prosecution' and today a buddy of mine called looking for me and she excitedly told him 'no, kevin not here, he at prostitution today". His buddy told him later on, he was caught thinking, how would she know and why the hell is she ecstatic about him going to get a prostitute.

saturday called for this popular foreign bar,'kop' (stands for: keep on play'in). anyway, it was supposed to have the same deal on, but rather it was 5,000won to get in, with a complementary drink and a number for draws throughout the night for free drinks. place was pretty vacant. first draw came, they spit out a number, no one claims it, and again and than after about 2 more times of this happening, i took it upon my well educated self, to take stake with the next number called, if no one jumped on it right away, so it came, i belted "yeah, that's me". free drink. felt to natural so for every draw throughout the night, i proceeded to claim ownership, worked every time, also the number of free drinks increased with each draw. i seemed to have every single number called and no one got suspicious, the owner would even come over to me every time, shake my hand and say "congratulations". me and Kevin were piling up rum and coke after rum and coke in front of us. after flushing out their free drinks, booted it to a korean dance club Kevin knew. we get to the door and the bouncer tells us, its all full, just than the door opens, i look in and its half empty, liar, than these other koreans stroll along, the bouncer greets them and lets them in, buddy don't like whitey. than suddenly kevin mentions his name in a sentence about being there once before and knowing a bartender,the bouncer jumps in circles "KEVIN, your KEVIN" and throws open the door and lets us in, weird. I couldn't stop re-iterating that phrase booming "christ, your KEVIN, get the hell in here", until 7am rolled along and we ended our adventures.

I'd like to now state and clarify that I'm not gay. After all this talk of Kevin, I can see how one might angle that sentiment. Truth be heard, I am becoming more and more attracted to Korean girls, but at the same time, more and more wary. I've been told 986 times "Oh, you so handsome". To push the fear in me, I met a duder from Montreal who told me he was dating a Korean girl who ONE WEEK into the relationship, sitting opposite him in the lounge at the school they both teach at, texted him (mind you instead of blurting it out to the guy right there) the message "i love you!" and not in the "me love you long time" manner. Man, that's crazy, and completely something I would do. Since, he has been avoiding her like the plague, unfortunately they work together, haha.

7-11 is an impostor over here, besides not having the mandatory nachos & cheese, there are no tacuitos or slushies! I'm calling for a name change to 5-9, with the slogan "sorry we're missing a few crucial ingredients"

this email definitely isn't lacking.

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