He comes waddling into class with not the slightest somber resonance, but when he parks his can, and is pressed upon for a mood, suddenly the skies cloud over and down trickles a significant solitary tear. Staring off into the deep dark corner of the room, the 12 year-old displays a look as if he’s pondering the destruction of his wife recently leaving him and monopolizing custody of their kids. Reality reveals he may have just lost his favorite pencil.
So it is, gearing into a final take on the land of 102 restaurants and bars...per street.
As the 60 year-old grandma attendant of our local 7-11 adamantly draws me back to the store counter, grabs the MGD from my bony hands and cracks it open with the bottle opener securely stored on the wall behind the counter, it hit me like a bottle of Fresh Soju, I’m due for some last spillage from the Republic of Korea.
Cruising in a KIA, stopping and starting with hundreds of street lights, pull up to one of numerable major intersections in Seoul and spot a bus in synch with a lit red light, with something amiss, the driver is absent. Darting eyes notice a uniformed man standing in front of the parked city transporter, cigarette in mouth. Hostaging a packed bus and trapping many unaware vehicles behind, the man knows his marathonesque Korean light changes, so he takes er easy, savours each haul in its due time, casually flips the butt upon completion and strolls on board in what happens to be perfect synchronization with the oncoming green light.
Every single restaurant and fast food joint offers take-out delivery. Heard right, MacDonald's to the mom & pop diners have helmetless bikers whizzing around with your heat preserved munchies. More unfathomable, the efficiency of the system considering there are no street names and endless apartments. Only one finger shows the times they have mistakenly come unsuspectingly knockin my way. More convenient is post-meal, where the worries of dispelling trash are scrapped since the restaurant's throw you their own plates. So when the belly is content, dirty dishes can be piled outside your front door and... hours later it's vanished, swooped up by the motorbike champ doing rounds. To think it's all done on no tip or service charge! Swallowing this and the quantity of delivered food that is fried, it's truly surprising Asians remain so thin.
Despite the promotion of laziness, sometimes you want to get out to the restaurants, if only to glimpse the foods origin. Me and my lady friend can be imaged, lounging at a typical Korean floor seated restaurant, munching on some meat soup, side dishes galore. After devouring our prized sliced cold carrots, our server voluntarily hurries us some more, yet this time upon our finished enjoyment, she doesn't go to the kitchen again. Rather, without hesitation she non-chalantly walks straight over to the table of the couple beside us, grabs there remaining dish of delicious orange slices, casually strolls back to our spread and bravely empties its contents onto our empty carrot plate. No shame.
Remember being in Grade 1 and learning about 'Little Red Riding Hood' and getting all riled up at why that friggin square block wouldn't go into the hollow triangle shaped placement. How the world has evolved ...or if I'm not being ignorant, how Asia has. Strange to place yourself in these foreign language countries, stare down at the English curriculum and realize you're required to go teach Grade 1 Koreans about the harmful consequences of corporations disregarding pollution regulations. With the daunting ahead, you're still trying to get your head around your lack of morality the day before,...while lecturing on the negative symptoms of drugs and alcohol, one youngster eagerly raised a hand to drag out a personal tale whereby their grandparents "drink alcohol all the time and than they start fighting and hitting each other". Fighting off the urge of non-tolerance back home, you unwillingly conceded to cultural norms and just rolled on.
Scene: Gym locker room. With no slight sign of embarrassment and in plain view of all gym patrons changing, a 25-year old Korean whips out flexible measuring tape, wraps it around his bicep and anxiously notes the exact measurement.
If the mold slowly encapsulating the entire walls of my cockroach infested apartment wasn't a strong enough alarm clock, than the 4am wake up call by the Korean burglar I chased out of the shithole and through the streets of Seoul stamped home the message, its time to keep on running to the airport.
On a plane, on a plane, off to see the home country again.
Movies
Before departing, I'd like to pass along some beautifully done Korean films. We all hate reading subtitles, but these ones prove more than worthy and add value to the picture. I'm not just passing along some alright flicks, these are world wide film festival acclaimed and will have an impact. Find the trailers here...
Old Boy and its epic fight scene
+
The Chaser (based on a true story which happened a few years ago in Seoul)
Music
Caught my Korean buddy play a popular venue here in Seoul, unfortunately it was 8pm on a Tuedsay night and his was the first of five bands on the bill. Given the circumstances, one had to be content debuting original material for only a handful of peeps. Yet, he impressed and was asked to come back on the weekend (too bad he is taking off for a life in England this same weekend). Anyway, here's a glimpse at his act, surprisingly they aren't all synchronized dancers and Pop stars in Korea.
Showing posts with label Corean Corner. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Corean Corner. Show all posts
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Strength in Numbers
"waiting for an opportunity to express his own views, as young people are fond of doing."
Step abroad seeking change, worlds the same, just different. Night, sun, food and drink, but how to breathe, what drives a pulse to pump. As a passerby, inundated. As a tourist, sought but not always discovered. As a local, understood but not always felt.
Ignorant not to declare that with every piece of land kicked, individuals lay claim to a love and hate relationship. To obstruct ourselves from this obvious observation is to pretend the world perfect. Just harness the ongoing battle. At times exasperated in foreign words and faces, other moments spent cherishing the tranquility, walking lost in thought. Finding comfort in strangers, while yearning for a home. Gushing with enlightenment at exploring ever changing scenery to shouldering a blank stare with a crave for solace in an ever familiar couch crease.
Picture from here. Love at first flight. Popularity always reaps sequel. Another scene, another take. Shoot.
Bring in a new idea, make it valid. Elder statesman chimes about respecting his notion. Be more like me, don't state an opinion, go with my decisions, wax to the rest. And it's done, they're standing in line and asking no questions. Summed, a nation singing in unison even if some are blindfolded in their dedication.
Never a half effort, but tiring in need for perfection, proper form exercised on par with breathing. Mire enjoyment omitted in favour of science.
Deceiving, deceiving perceptions. Be it the cover, or the meat material. Under the magnifying glass, the bare bones are thin, but replaceable. Imagination looking on, pretend the serene musician isn't tarnished by his lip-synching on stage.
An idea of slushing comfort. Change this today, yet even it won't be around tomorrow. Surprise, surprise, adjust or you'll be none the wise.
Everywhere I go, I see sentences waiting to be re-written. But only time has passed and I want to be rid of em.
"and I toured with you, and you toured with me, can you stop...it...please."
Step abroad seeking change, worlds the same, just different. Night, sun, food and drink, but how to breathe, what drives a pulse to pump. As a passerby, inundated. As a tourist, sought but not always discovered. As a local, understood but not always felt.
Ignorant not to declare that with every piece of land kicked, individuals lay claim to a love and hate relationship. To obstruct ourselves from this obvious observation is to pretend the world perfect. Just harness the ongoing battle. At times exasperated in foreign words and faces, other moments spent cherishing the tranquility, walking lost in thought. Finding comfort in strangers, while yearning for a home. Gushing with enlightenment at exploring ever changing scenery to shouldering a blank stare with a crave for solace in an ever familiar couch crease.
Picture from here. Love at first flight. Popularity always reaps sequel. Another scene, another take. Shoot.
Bring in a new idea, make it valid. Elder statesman chimes about respecting his notion. Be more like me, don't state an opinion, go with my decisions, wax to the rest. And it's done, they're standing in line and asking no questions. Summed, a nation singing in unison even if some are blindfolded in their dedication.
Never a half effort, but tiring in need for perfection, proper form exercised on par with breathing. Mire enjoyment omitted in favour of science.
Deceiving, deceiving perceptions. Be it the cover, or the meat material. Under the magnifying glass, the bare bones are thin, but replaceable. Imagination looking on, pretend the serene musician isn't tarnished by his lip-synching on stage.
An idea of slushing comfort. Change this today, yet even it won't be around tomorrow. Surprise, surprise, adjust or you'll be none the wise.
Everywhere I go, I see sentences waiting to be re-written. But only time has passed and I want to be rid of em.
"and I toured with you, and you toured with me, can you stop...it...please."
Monday, January 22, 2007
Glimpse at Celebrity
unforgettable encounters during an extended, yet brief time in korea...
routine encompassed going on a school trip every friday, bringing the kindergartens to either: a museum, play, trampoline or even a photographer's exhibit. One excursion to the latter involved checking out some retired Japanese guys photos from travels around the world. To accurately picture the scene, understand I was the only foreigner to accompany or be spotted on such trips. Though there would usually be many other schools present, it seemed other foreign teachers were either not invited or purposely excluded from such events. Consequently, I would receive the load of eyes, pointers, screamers, "you so handsome"'s, etc. But, on this occasion, it went beyond expectations. Upon our arrival, we were quickly assigned a tour guide, and they also designated another employee to be a translator for me, to explain photos in English. It became obvious this was only half her newly assigned role, when I observed her starting to take pictures of me at every opportune moment around the students. Whenever I would get in lens range of a student, she would become the red carpet paparazzi.(missed getting her in mine below). The icing on the cake was tasted when after taking in the full contents of mediocre shots of the eiffel tower and such, they asked me to take them back through the gallery and show them my favorite pictures and explain why. I noted their hesitation at the Niagra Falls frames, thinking I'd get patriotic and point at the obvious scene I've seen too many times over, instead electing to test their creativity, I pointed out some nice shots of "connie in venice" and simply stated the photo taken from a distance made her mystery intriguing. They laughed and wrote down every word of it.
(judy and sarah you are deeply missed)
while walking around shopping downtown Daejeon, I noticed out of the corner of my eye some lady running in my direction from an angle behind. Catching her shouting "hello", but not automatically assuming she was addressing me, I kept a pace. Eventually she caught up and was standing in front of me, out of breath, but excitedly re-stating "hello!". After I return the greeting, she just stares at me smiling, guilt weighs on that I should say more, but I don't know what to say (I mean in our culture when someone runs you down its because either you dropped or stole something). She's scrambling, but has nothing to utter herself, instinctively she reaches into her shopping bag, looks around in there and pulls out a new pack of Halls and hands it to me. Obviously noting that she had a cold and it would do more good for her to keep the medicine, I politely declined. But, she insisted and wouldn't let up to the point where I realized it would be an insult if I didn't take them. So, I took her much needed Halls, she thanked me, and we went on with our days, me off to a mountain and her back to buy a new pack of Halls.
a unique event I learned to appreciate was strangers asking me to "get in their picture". This usually resulted in my agreeing to take their picture on the assumption of 'poor english', only to learn they meant what they said. They wanted a picture with me being the central figure in it. I began to turn the tables and indulge in this hobby myself, getting photos with random Koreans at all opportune moments.
strutting to school one day at lunch, I had just passed a convenience store when simultaneously an 8 year old came running out of the candy store, an ice cream cone firmly secured in each hand. As he peels onto the side street he notices my presence and without hesitation runs up smiling ear-to-ear and offers for me to take one. Returning the smile, I had to decline and watched as continued his original mission and gave the cone to his brother up ahead. In whose world do kids give away ice cream? No way in my hay day would the same proceedings have gone down, especially sharing with an adult, I would have eaten both cones.
routine encompassed going on a school trip every friday, bringing the kindergartens to either: a museum, play, trampoline or even a photographer's exhibit. One excursion to the latter involved checking out some retired Japanese guys photos from travels around the world. To accurately picture the scene, understand I was the only foreigner to accompany or be spotted on such trips. Though there would usually be many other schools present, it seemed other foreign teachers were either not invited or purposely excluded from such events. Consequently, I would receive the load of eyes, pointers, screamers, "you so handsome"'s, etc. But, on this occasion, it went beyond expectations. Upon our arrival, we were quickly assigned a tour guide, and they also designated another employee to be a translator for me, to explain photos in English. It became obvious this was only half her newly assigned role, when I observed her starting to take pictures of me at every opportune moment around the students. Whenever I would get in lens range of a student, she would become the red carpet paparazzi.(missed getting her in mine below). The icing on the cake was tasted when after taking in the full contents of mediocre shots of the eiffel tower and such, they asked me to take them back through the gallery and show them my favorite pictures and explain why. I noted their hesitation at the Niagra Falls frames, thinking I'd get patriotic and point at the obvious scene I've seen too many times over, instead electing to test their creativity, I pointed out some nice shots of "connie in venice" and simply stated the photo taken from a distance made her mystery intriguing. They laughed and wrote down every word of it.
(judy and sarah you are deeply missed)
while walking around shopping downtown Daejeon, I noticed out of the corner of my eye some lady running in my direction from an angle behind. Catching her shouting "hello", but not automatically assuming she was addressing me, I kept a pace. Eventually she caught up and was standing in front of me, out of breath, but excitedly re-stating "hello!". After I return the greeting, she just stares at me smiling, guilt weighs on that I should say more, but I don't know what to say (I mean in our culture when someone runs you down its because either you dropped or stole something). She's scrambling, but has nothing to utter herself, instinctively she reaches into her shopping bag, looks around in there and pulls out a new pack of Halls and hands it to me. Obviously noting that she had a cold and it would do more good for her to keep the medicine, I politely declined. But, she insisted and wouldn't let up to the point where I realized it would be an insult if I didn't take them. So, I took her much needed Halls, she thanked me, and we went on with our days, me off to a mountain and her back to buy a new pack of Halls.
a unique event I learned to appreciate was strangers asking me to "get in their picture". This usually resulted in my agreeing to take their picture on the assumption of 'poor english', only to learn they meant what they said. They wanted a picture with me being the central figure in it. I began to turn the tables and indulge in this hobby myself, getting photos with random Koreans at all opportune moments.
strutting to school one day at lunch, I had just passed a convenience store when simultaneously an 8 year old came running out of the candy store, an ice cream cone firmly secured in each hand. As he peels onto the side street he notices my presence and without hesitation runs up smiling ear-to-ear and offers for me to take one. Returning the smile, I had to decline and watched as continued his original mission and gave the cone to his brother up ahead. In whose world do kids give away ice cream? No way in my hay day would the same proceedings have gone down, especially sharing with an adult, I would have eaten both cones.
Friday, January 5, 2007
motorcycle diaries
so, the other day I hopped on my buddies chopper and we headed for the coast,...i bet i sound like a tough motherfucker now. truth is we headed 150km southwest to some shit-ass island, which we had to take a 40minute ferry ride too. Also, I was on the back, freezing, but having the pain numbed being scared out of my fuckin mind. On the way, we passed this dude cruising on his hog, with his grandma on the back, holding on for dear life with no helmet on, it was too much for me (mostly cause I could never picture any of your grandmothers doing this, even with a helmet on)! We planned on staying the night partying at said island for the night, but after completely circling it in ten minutes and realizing it was lame and a ghost town except for some stray goats we turned right around and headed home. So, we motored home in pitch dark, right frozen,...come to think of it, picture the scene as from "dumb and dumber" than any "motorcycle diaries". (here's a picture of me going to scare said goats, on the left)
speaking of 'taek won doe' fights in class, the other day i started an eraser-piece fight with one of my 14 year old middle school classes (you know as a group cohesion activity). anyway, one student got carried away and threw a full-size piece at another kids head (to understand, that's like bringing in the tanks when we're using rifles) and he got him good. So, the kid gets pissed, walks around the table and retaliates hurling an equal sized eraser right at the kids temple. Anyway, he goes and sits back down, and they're both right red in the face, at this point, I state "alright, that's enough of that". Than the kid who originally got out of hand, said something in Korean taunting the boy...and without hesitation that kid got up and started walking around the table again, (from here out, everything was in slow motion to me) I saw it was gonna be violent and shouted "NO,... NO", but to no use, the other kid stood up to defend himself and they just started 'taek won doe ing' each other for a good 5 seconds before I could get there. It was honestly crazy, I felt quite guilty and shocked afterwards. But, than one of the students turned to me and said in his best 'Anchorman' voice "wow, that escalated quickly". In all honesty, a Korean co-worker tried to comfort me in saying, she once had a kid pick up a chair and throw it at another kid.
the other day some dude was intensely staring at me in the men's locker room at the gym (I had my clothes on, but still here lies the first unwritten no-no back home), clearly you've got to change your understanding with the environment, so obviously I see staring as el natural anymore. So, I gave a "hello", to which he replied "are you a model?" "no,no,no!" (as I laugh) than he said "your so handsome". Imagine this 2nd no-no happening in canada, I would have been obligated to challenge the duder to step outside. Here that guy turns around and walks out the door like nothing happened and he's still straight as an arrow.
"always remember the pact that we made, too young to die, but old is a grave"
Guess who has grown fond of pineapples and was on TV in Korea the other day? >aaron<. We took the Kindergartens to the supermarket for a scavenger hunt of food (which my team won through our strategy of sprinting down the aisles). Anyways, there was some news broadcasting station there and they wanted the kids in the story about flowers for spring on the nightly news, so they had us in the background while they asked some of the students (as I was told later) what was their favorite flower, to responses such as "the pink one". Needless to say, Korean Television is overrated.
I came to work with a cold today and after inquiring, a co-worker immediately harassed me why I haven't been to the hospital yet...I could only muster one response...."because I have a cold". Honestly, if a Korean gets a slight headache, they make a bee line for the doctor.
The following is too, too much. Was out for drinks with a co-worker the other day, when we got onto talking about the problem with kids and computer games over here. To say there's an obsession is an understatement, I mean there's PC Bongs (computer rooms) hugging every block and they are always packed with gamers. Anyway, she relayed the story to me, that the country didn't realize how big the problem truly was until in the last year both a kid my age (24 years old) and a 17yr old, have died in said PC Bongs, simply because they kept playing with no food or water for something like 30 hours straight. I can't comprehend this truth, the fact that someone would not understand they need to get up and do something or that someone wouldn't notice their condition deteriorating. I mean they just keeled over right there playing a video game. Call me insensitive but.. how embarrassing is that?
While on the sad subject of passing away, I'd like to make a tribute. The other day my sister called (3am her time), she was crying and barely audible as she said "hello". I knew right away something terrible had happened to someone in my family. It was an agonizing feeling as I waited to get it out of her...and than she proceeded to read the following email from my dad...
Sorry about this but have to tell you what happened , lately the dog has been taking off as the collar seems to have quit working and it has been quite the pain in the butt chasing the stupid thing all over. Well this afternoon I went in the back to shoot my bow which has bee a normal habit lately(at least 4x a week) as my main goal is to shoot the big buck I've only dreamed about for 26 years approx. and need to practice so I'm good to about 35 yards. Anyhow I let go with my first shot and Zoe just appears from nowhere from behind the target and jumps in front of the arrow. I feel really bad as she was in a lot of pain but the vet says she should make it but he wants like 700$. Mom is really mad at me but it wasn't my fault the dog just jumped out in front of my arrow, I thought it was down the street. Lucky thing I was shooting target points cause a broad head would have sliced right through it's vitals. Anyhow Mom says if Zoe makes it we will get the underground fence fixed which is about 200$. That's almost 1000$ for a stupid dog. If Zoe dies Mom says we will bury her in the back by the fire pit as she always liked that area. Guaranteed this is the last dog we ever have. Sorry, Love Dad
...when she mentioned the dog (although tragic) I breathed a sigh of relief understanding it was the dog and no person in my family. Than I proceeded to comfort her as Danielle was taking the news pretty hard. Next day I called her back to see if she had called my dad,...when she picked up the phone she said "Dad's an asshole, it was an April Fool's Joke". So, my tribute from earlier is to my dad, for simultaneously pulling off the best/worst joke ever. He had to repeatedly tell Jordan it was only a joke when she called from Brazil. This thing was supposedly planned out 2 months in advance. cheers to my dad...and yeah that's 'freddie mercury' perched on zoey.
I came to work with a cold today and after inquiring, a co-worker immediately harassed me why I haven't been to the hospital yet...I could only muster one response...."because I have a cold". Honestly, if a Korean gets a slight headache, they make a bee line for the doctor.
The following is too, too much. Was out for drinks with a co-worker the other day, when we got onto talking about the problem with kids and computer games over here. To say there's an obsession is an understatement, I mean there's PC Bongs (computer rooms) hugging every block and they are always packed with gamers. Anyway, she relayed the story to me, that the country didn't realize how big the problem truly was until in the last year both a kid my age (24 years old) and a 17yr old, have died in said PC Bongs, simply because they kept playing with no food or water for something like 30 hours straight. I can't comprehend this truth, the fact that someone would not understand they need to get up and do something or that someone wouldn't notice their condition deteriorating. I mean they just keeled over right there playing a video game. Call me insensitive but.. how embarrassing is that?
While on the sad subject of passing away, I'd like to make a tribute. The other day my sister called (3am her time), she was crying and barely audible as she said "hello". I knew right away something terrible had happened to someone in my family. It was an agonizing feeling as I waited to get it out of her...and than she proceeded to read the following email from my dad...
Sorry about this but have to tell you what happened , lately the dog has been taking off as the collar seems to have quit working and it has been quite the pain in the butt chasing the stupid thing all over. Well this afternoon I went in the back to shoot my bow which has bee a normal habit lately(at least 4x a week) as my main goal is to shoot the big buck I've only dreamed about for 26 years approx. and need to practice so I'm good to about 35 yards. Anyhow I let go with my first shot and Zoe just appears from nowhere from behind the target and jumps in front of the arrow. I feel really bad as she was in a lot of pain but the vet says she should make it but he wants like 700$. Mom is really mad at me but it wasn't my fault the dog just jumped out in front of my arrow, I thought it was down the street. Lucky thing I was shooting target points cause a broad head would have sliced right through it's vitals. Anyhow Mom says if Zoe makes it we will get the underground fence fixed which is about 200$. That's almost 1000$ for a stupid dog. If Zoe dies Mom says we will bury her in the back by the fire pit as she always liked that area. Guaranteed this is the last dog we ever have. Sorry, Love Dad
...when she mentioned the dog (although tragic) I breathed a sigh of relief understanding it was the dog and no person in my family. Than I proceeded to comfort her as Danielle was taking the news pretty hard. Next day I called her back to see if she had called my dad,...when she picked up the phone she said "Dad's an asshole, it was an April Fool's Joke". So, my tribute from earlier is to my dad, for simultaneously pulling off the best/worst joke ever. He had to repeatedly tell Jordan it was only a joke when she called from Brazil. This thing was supposedly planned out 2 months in advance. cheers to my dad...and yeah that's 'freddie mercury' perched on zoey.
"sometimes the tv is like a lover, singing softly as you fall asleep"
you know in those dramatic shows (90210, the OC) when the boyfriend walks in on his girlfriend cheating, so he bolts to his car and tears a whole in the street gunning it out of there. Well, as I discovered last night, things run a bit differently here; I'm taking in the korean equivalent of Melrose Place, when suddenly the guy upon finding his girl with another man, grabs his pedal bike (not a motorbike,... not even a scooter...a PEDAL BIKE) and furiously pedals away. Girls here can't feel to bad about cheating like that, I mean what is she seriously losing, a guy with a friggin bicycyle!!!
Back to TV, as a young lad growing up in courtright, ontario; on a warm summer day, I would spend hours and hours in front of the tube playing my latest Nintendo games. Than my mom would trip upon my activities and lash out "you think being good at a video game is gonna get you somewhere in life? Turn that off and get outside!"....Flash ahead...this vivid childhood memory rushes back to me the other day as I'm flipping through TV channels and trip upon a broadcast of an arena filled crowd all cheering and waiting for someone to take the stage. Seeing two booths on stage, I foreshadow the Korean version of DJ Shadow coming out from behind the curtain. Just than out walk two scrawny Koreans, further confirming my suspicion. Than they take their places in their separate soundproof booths and they pick up....game controllers. And yeah...they just start playing away, with 18,000 strong hooting and hollering their every move (there action being displayed on the big screens). Fortunately, they didn't show the whole thing, rather they advanced ahead to showing the one dude coming out of his booth, exasperated, but arms in the air... being the victor, than they jump to an interview with his proud parents. Taking this in, threw an urgent impulse in my head to call my mom and let her have it about how she ruined my career potential.
My director has a sick sense of humour, the last two months have passed with my teaching in a winter coat,...my korean co-worker herself additionally sporting mitts and a scarf. Yeah, my boss is a bit of a cheap ass, well that or he likes to play "life in the 1800's". We have no heat at our school. Can't say I've ever (or ever thought) I'd have an indoor job where my number one concern was trying to stay warm. Of late, the director's been harping on us about all the kids leaving the school...'well maybe some of the kids parents aren't pushing preparation for life in Antartica!'. Furthermore, buddy is opening another school, imagine the frame of thought on that decision...."fuck heat, let's open another school". The kicker...this one had me laughing in his face... my co-worker told me that one time when she was coughing and complaining about the cold factor, he actually turned to her and said "well why don't you put on some mitts". Quick facts: I've been sick 3 times in the last month, some days I actually put my coat on as I walk from outside into school, when I arrived today it was 6oC inside (6oC). The other day this same guy was right bent on claiming that Rap Music was actually "Lap Music".
Back to TV, as a young lad growing up in courtright, ontario; on a warm summer day, I would spend hours and hours in front of the tube playing my latest Nintendo games. Than my mom would trip upon my activities and lash out "you think being good at a video game is gonna get you somewhere in life? Turn that off and get outside!"....Flash ahead...this vivid childhood memory rushes back to me the other day as I'm flipping through TV channels and trip upon a broadcast of an arena filled crowd all cheering and waiting for someone to take the stage. Seeing two booths on stage, I foreshadow the Korean version of DJ Shadow coming out from behind the curtain. Just than out walk two scrawny Koreans, further confirming my suspicion. Than they take their places in their separate soundproof booths and they pick up....game controllers. And yeah...they just start playing away, with 18,000 strong hooting and hollering their every move (there action being displayed on the big screens). Fortunately, they didn't show the whole thing, rather they advanced ahead to showing the one dude coming out of his booth, exasperated, but arms in the air... being the victor, than they jump to an interview with his proud parents. Taking this in, threw an urgent impulse in my head to call my mom and let her have it about how she ruined my career potential.
My director has a sick sense of humour, the last two months have passed with my teaching in a winter coat,...my korean co-worker herself additionally sporting mitts and a scarf. Yeah, my boss is a bit of a cheap ass, well that or he likes to play "life in the 1800's". We have no heat at our school. Can't say I've ever (or ever thought) I'd have an indoor job where my number one concern was trying to stay warm. Of late, the director's been harping on us about all the kids leaving the school...'well maybe some of the kids parents aren't pushing preparation for life in Antartica!'. Furthermore, buddy is opening another school, imagine the frame of thought on that decision...."fuck heat, let's open another school". The kicker...this one had me laughing in his face... my co-worker told me that one time when she was coughing and complaining about the cold factor, he actually turned to her and said "well why don't you put on some mitts". Quick facts: I've been sick 3 times in the last month, some days I actually put my coat on as I walk from outside into school, when I arrived today it was 6oC inside (6oC). The other day this same guy was right bent on claiming that Rap Music was actually "Lap Music".
"strung out like some christmas lights, out there in the chelsea nights"
my understanding of a Korean having 10 too many drinks...there I am stumbling home from the bars at 7am on a side street, and suddenly spot buddy zig zagging along from the opposite direction. As he nears, the duder approached me (the whitest kid for 18 blocks) with that song "what if God was one of us, just a stranger on a bus" blaring from his overly-static cell phone speaker and asks for directions (in KOREAN)...and even though I speak a whole 30 words of the language, I can detect his slurred words to be a complete mess. The full on confirmation of his drunkenness was evident when luckily I made out that he said 'Pai Chai Univerisity' at the end,...meaning he's looking for the big ass school which is about 200 yards back in the direction he's coming from...no more SoJu for that man!
a bit back we had an 'Open Day' at the school, meaning the Kindergartens parents could make an appearance and observe my ass pretending to teach. In preparation for this momentous event, the Director's wife took it upon herself to rummage through some of the kids prolific work I'd had piled on my desk. So, needless to mention, upon my arrival the next morning, I was pleasantly surprised to behold some of these works proudly framed on the walls of our class. As my eyes scrolled through the sheets under the section labelled "colouring", my sight became fixated on one picture in particular, it was coloured to perfection, too good to be true and was the only sheet displayed with no name on it. My curiosity was sparked as to discover the identity of the talented artist, I was amazed, it looked too good for a kindergarten to have been responsible...that's when it hit me...'No way, that's mine... I did that! (understand I'm a more than willing combatant to sit down with em and giver during drawing period)...About time a school pays respects to a 24 yr olds colouring coordination alongside the incompetent youngsters. The humour continued inside when I imagined one of the parents inquiring whose hand was responsible for that effort...to which I worked up a set response of "well actually, that's your lovely daughter or son's".
Keeping with the big day...on the eve of the parents witnessing disaster, the director's wife decided to do a complete practice run of how it would go down, meaning identical lesson and kids undertaking a pre-run on all activities (you know, give the parents a completely fake image of our operations). Fast forward to the live event, the children are proudly sitting in front of their inventors, I confidently hand out the pre-played activity sheets, upon receiving it, 'Lucy' (one of the bright ones) turns around and whines something in Korean to her mother, I think nothing of it until I notice my Korean assistant (again only there for this 'special' day) laughing and inquire what was said, to which I hear "she told her mom 'we did this yesterday'". I felt so ashamed I ordered all the papers back and told them "alright forget that, we're doing things like normal". Resultingly, fun was had by all kids and the teacher, odd thing is the next day I was left to question how either 5 kids got sick overnight or their parents pulled the plug on their kid taking in my 'shit show' any longer.
one more for Christmas....I sit down to start a lesson with a class of kindergartens the other day, when a student 'Kevin'(pictured below) looks over, with a big smile wrapped around his face and states directly at me "Aaron teacher Paboo" (Paboo meaning "stupid" in Korean). He thought he was the coolest thing since sliced 'Kim Bob', unfortunately for the little leaguer, I was taught the translation of the word just days before. I sternly stare back at him and in my fake angry voice stammer "WHAT?, did you say Aaron teacher Paboo?". Never have I seen a look of amusement wiped off a head so quickly, his face went completely pale, he drops into weak kindergarten defense and points at the the kid to his left, actually thinking he can throw the blame, as if he didn't 'blurt that out in my direction from 2 feet away with my giving 100% attention', his case falls to 'jimmy not paying attention said it'. Than, when I authoritatively shake my head 'no' and point at him, he knows the guilt isn't gonna drift out of that seat and I than question "So aaron teacher is Paboo, Kevin?", he shakes the head back and forth, dashes his eyes away and goes silent trying to let it slip. And that's when it did, in actuality I was quite proud of the kids work, he brought me back 18 years and showed me an exact replica of myself at 6. snorkeling is sexy.
a bit back we had an 'Open Day' at the school, meaning the Kindergartens parents could make an appearance and observe my ass pretending to teach. In preparation for this momentous event, the Director's wife took it upon herself to rummage through some of the kids prolific work I'd had piled on my desk. So, needless to mention, upon my arrival the next morning, I was pleasantly surprised to behold some of these works proudly framed on the walls of our class. As my eyes scrolled through the sheets under the section labelled "colouring", my sight became fixated on one picture in particular, it was coloured to perfection, too good to be true and was the only sheet displayed with no name on it. My curiosity was sparked as to discover the identity of the talented artist, I was amazed, it looked too good for a kindergarten to have been responsible...that's when it hit me...'No way, that's mine... I did that! (understand I'm a more than willing combatant to sit down with em and giver during drawing period)...About time a school pays respects to a 24 yr olds colouring coordination alongside the incompetent youngsters. The humour continued inside when I imagined one of the parents inquiring whose hand was responsible for that effort...to which I worked up a set response of "well actually, that's your lovely daughter or son's".
Keeping with the big day...on the eve of the parents witnessing disaster, the director's wife decided to do a complete practice run of how it would go down, meaning identical lesson and kids undertaking a pre-run on all activities (you know, give the parents a completely fake image of our operations). Fast forward to the live event, the children are proudly sitting in front of their inventors, I confidently hand out the pre-played activity sheets, upon receiving it, 'Lucy' (one of the bright ones) turns around and whines something in Korean to her mother, I think nothing of it until I notice my Korean assistant (again only there for this 'special' day) laughing and inquire what was said, to which I hear "she told her mom 'we did this yesterday'". I felt so ashamed I ordered all the papers back and told them "alright forget that, we're doing things like normal". Resultingly, fun was had by all kids and the teacher, odd thing is the next day I was left to question how either 5 kids got sick overnight or their parents pulled the plug on their kid taking in my 'shit show' any longer.
one more for Christmas....I sit down to start a lesson with a class of kindergartens the other day, when a student 'Kevin'(pictured below) looks over, with a big smile wrapped around his face and states directly at me "Aaron teacher Paboo" (Paboo meaning "stupid" in Korean). He thought he was the coolest thing since sliced 'Kim Bob', unfortunately for the little leaguer, I was taught the translation of the word just days before. I sternly stare back at him and in my fake angry voice stammer "WHAT?, did you say Aaron teacher Paboo?". Never have I seen a look of amusement wiped off a head so quickly, his face went completely pale, he drops into weak kindergarten defense and points at the the kid to his left, actually thinking he can throw the blame, as if he didn't 'blurt that out in my direction from 2 feet away with my giving 100% attention', his case falls to 'jimmy not paying attention said it'. Than, when I authoritatively shake my head 'no' and point at him, he knows the guilt isn't gonna drift out of that seat and I than question "So aaron teacher is Paboo, Kevin?", he shakes the head back and forth, dashes his eyes away and goes silent trying to let it slip. And that's when it did, in actuality I was quite proud of the kids work, he brought me back 18 years and showed me an exact replica of myself at 6. snorkeling is sexy.
"the worlds as wide as your life is thin, so entertain your goals"
Merry Christmas Everyone!!!....and an extra merry christmas to me....
Just found out the most exciting news I've heard since landing here in Korea.....you see if there's one thing I've been missing more than anything, its concerts. And no western bands ever come here. Well misfortune just took a 360 degree turn, as my co-worker just informed me that a certain band is coming to Seoul in February and well...they just happen to be my favorite band in the entire world!.......drum roll please... Oasis are playing their first ever show in KOREA!!!
I'm not the kid that follows his band around, rather i'm the kid that the band follows around. I head to England... they headline Glastonbury, it's my birthday...they're playing in Detroit! I head to Korea... they're headlining a Festival in Japan, I'm still in Korea... they're making their first ever appearance.
You know what else made an appearance this week, the weirdest gift ever placed in my hands. Yeah my girlfriend was on the phone the day before last, telling me she had the most incredible christmas gift for me and that I couldn't imagine how happy and surprised I would be. The latter was an understatement! The next day I met up with her, and she has this fair sized present in tow, I'm starting to feel a bit guilty and nervous (it being Christmas eve, my not having anything for her yet and her having some big amazing gift for me). Than the moment of truth comes and she opens up the bag and whips out...a small baby blue pillow, with the most feminine lace surrounding the outside (like lace couldn't possibly be feminine), and in the middle of the pillow is a cross-stitched picture of 'winnie the pooh' sleeping under the moon. Understand I am not good with fake emotion, but I gaver...until she announced the kicker...she wanted to get a picture right away with me holding it. It took a lot for me to refrain from asking her the purpose behind the cruel joke. In looking for any positive sentiments I could dig up, and understanding her passion for cross-stitching all I could muster was "how thoughtful". Immediately a light shone in my head, and I knew what I would hit her back with. So, yesterday I picked up a book from my room that I bought and read a few months back "Five People You Meet in Heaven", (short and rather simple english tale), opened the sleeve wrote 'Merry Christmas' and wrapped it in a black garbage bag. In reception, she offered no mask, flat out offended, and blurted "I can't read this" (to my defense her english is phenomenal and I had no idea), without missing a beat, I retorted "no problem, I'll read it to you". Sure.. "how low of you aaron", but in truth... she gave me a piece of her hobby, so I gave her a piece of my hobby in this country (reading). Make note, I'm not stating this story to de-value or make fun of my girl here, rather I lift the blame from her shoulders and squarely place it on the lack of a gay population in Korea. Lost?...well guys here are so comfortable with their sexuality, its not unfamiliar to regularly spot them holding hands, sitting on each others laps and feeding each other (I'm talking my age). So they don't even question the borders of going overboard! Perfect example, the other day my 'gf' was dead serious in bringing me some pink balloons and couldn't fathom why I refused to accept or hold them.
Christmas Eve here was something else, me and some Western friends went to the 'Outback Steakhouse' for dinner...damn delicious, than 3 of us walked into '7-11' right sober, bought 4 bottles of SOJU (wicked liquor here), pitched a tent in the corner of the store (which was surprisingly packed for CHRISTMAS EVE) and went to town (allowed here). 20 minutes of nonsense later, we walked out of 7-11 shit-faced...
right into "Bubi-Bubi" our favorite Korean nightclub for $10 all you can drink beer...and surprise, surprise the place was busier than any other day of the year. Yeah, I guess the custom in culture is not to spend Christmas with the family, rather with the bottle! We gaver in every respect until 5am.
Hopefully you all Gaverr too. Happy Holidays.
Just found out the most exciting news I've heard since landing here in Korea.....you see if there's one thing I've been missing more than anything, its concerts. And no western bands ever come here. Well misfortune just took a 360 degree turn, as my co-worker just informed me that a certain band is coming to Seoul in February and well...they just happen to be my favorite band in the entire world!.......drum roll please... Oasis are playing their first ever show in KOREA!!!
I'm not the kid that follows his band around, rather i'm the kid that the band follows around. I head to England... they headline Glastonbury, it's my birthday...they're playing in Detroit! I head to Korea... they're headlining a Festival in Japan, I'm still in Korea... they're making their first ever appearance.
You know what else made an appearance this week, the weirdest gift ever placed in my hands. Yeah my girlfriend was on the phone the day before last, telling me she had the most incredible christmas gift for me and that I couldn't imagine how happy and surprised I would be. The latter was an understatement! The next day I met up with her, and she has this fair sized present in tow, I'm starting to feel a bit guilty and nervous (it being Christmas eve, my not having anything for her yet and her having some big amazing gift for me). Than the moment of truth comes and she opens up the bag and whips out...a small baby blue pillow, with the most feminine lace surrounding the outside (like lace couldn't possibly be feminine), and in the middle of the pillow is a cross-stitched picture of 'winnie the pooh' sleeping under the moon. Understand I am not good with fake emotion, but I gaver...until she announced the kicker...she wanted to get a picture right away with me holding it. It took a lot for me to refrain from asking her the purpose behind the cruel joke. In looking for any positive sentiments I could dig up, and understanding her passion for cross-stitching all I could muster was "how thoughtful". Immediately a light shone in my head, and I knew what I would hit her back with. So, yesterday I picked up a book from my room that I bought and read a few months back "Five People You Meet in Heaven", (short and rather simple english tale), opened the sleeve wrote 'Merry Christmas' and wrapped it in a black garbage bag. In reception, she offered no mask, flat out offended, and blurted "I can't read this" (to my defense her english is phenomenal and I had no idea), without missing a beat, I retorted "no problem, I'll read it to you". Sure.. "how low of you aaron", but in truth... she gave me a piece of her hobby, so I gave her a piece of my hobby in this country (reading). Make note, I'm not stating this story to de-value or make fun of my girl here, rather I lift the blame from her shoulders and squarely place it on the lack of a gay population in Korea. Lost?...well guys here are so comfortable with their sexuality, its not unfamiliar to regularly spot them holding hands, sitting on each others laps and feeding each other (I'm talking my age). So they don't even question the borders of going overboard! Perfect example, the other day my 'gf' was dead serious in bringing me some pink balloons and couldn't fathom why I refused to accept or hold them.
Christmas Eve here was something else, me and some Western friends went to the 'Outback Steakhouse' for dinner...damn delicious, than 3 of us walked into '7-11' right sober, bought 4 bottles of SOJU (wicked liquor here), pitched a tent in the corner of the store (which was surprisingly packed for CHRISTMAS EVE) and went to town (allowed here). 20 minutes of nonsense later, we walked out of 7-11 shit-faced...
right into "Bubi-Bubi" our favorite Korean nightclub for $10 all you can drink beer...and surprise, surprise the place was busier than any other day of the year. Yeah, I guess the custom in culture is not to spend Christmas with the family, rather with the bottle! We gaver in every respect until 5am.
Hopefully you all Gaverr too. Happy Holidays.
"the engine turns on a dime, and i ain't going nowhere tonight"
in coming here, i didn't think it would be a good sign if I ended up being served lunch at a police station...sure enough, I just ate in the courtesy cop cafeteria and got through a three hour unofficial tour of some Daejeon police joints (4 in all) with the Professor (the director's father). I'm still unsure as to why we went, think it had something to do with my being robbed, but no one seemed to ask me any questions, so I reciprocated. However, it seemed wherever we went we were in the wrong place for whatever purpose we were filling. no complaints from this kid, I got out of teaching this morning, but I couldn't avoid being in the vehicle when the Professor drilled some dudes car right outside of a said police station. Like that wasn't ironic enough, there just happened to be a courtesy cop standing right on the corner, as it went down, to call the balls and strikes. anyway, right on the spot the old man whips out a wad of cash and pays the guy off, I was awestruck and about to ask for a raise.
parking here is tight, the country is small enough as is, than give everyone a car and suddenly there's about as much room as 5 Sumo wrestlers in my boss's shit hyundai. In a story...today the Professor pulls into this competely full lot...but apparently we have a difference of opinion as he puts the SUV in park and takes the keys out of the ignition....I laugh inside realizing 'we're actually parking here, he just boxed in 5 cars'. Than he takes out a scrap piece of paper and writes in large digits his cell phone number, and throws it on the dash. Apparently those 5 people didn't need to go anywhere in the next 10 minutes cause the his phone remained silent.
honking is quite overrated in Korea. everyday i have to take a 5 minute ride with my boss and he manages to keep up an average of about 3 horn usuages per trip. the other day, we were driving on a one lane street, and he gives er a honk, i look around but i can't fathom what the hell he's honking for, than suddenly he jams on the middle of the wheel again, apparently the vehicle ahead of us... was in front of us and should have pulled over... we being MORE IMPORTANT and all that jazz. in formerly stating the red lights are prolonged here, I wasn't exaggerating, today I was told it is a standard 2 minute light. Furthermore, the Professor tells me this morning to put on my seat belt (first time ever), I felt a bit pissed inside, than he runs a red light 2.3 seconds later..ahhh i see! I like his thinking. Taxi's are notorious for it, it seems mandatory for them to run 5 lights for you on the way home from the bars.
In Korea, you are born one year old, instead of starting at zero like us. So, everyone here is a year older than they'd be in Canada. And me,.. well I get to star in 'Back to the Future' being 25 for two years straight.
"sailing down the river alone, been trying to find my way back home"
quick setup: been having trouble working the heater in my room....
on picking me up last monday morning, the director turned to me "did you have a good weekend?", I replied "yeah it was alright, until my wallet was stolen from my room?", as i'm in that same breath he says with a smile on his face "how is your room, is it warm?". What a response, I instinctively felt the need to high-five the old man, but couldn't find the guts. I knew he didn't get my message when straight away the next morning on my hoping into the SUV, he blurts out "I heard your wallet got stolen". Anyway, the preceding dialogue is a perfect blueprint of how conversations predominantly get shot between locals and foreigners, the last word of the others sentence is understood to be the correct key for stating a completely unrelated response.
hopped onto a city bus and asked the driver in my best Korean English "bus go to 'Dong Bong Marte'?". received a quick "anneyo (NO)", but figured, 'what the hell, don't need to go there today anyways, I know this bus will take me home'. so, I strolled on, bus was quite packed (unlike picture), so I strutted my stuff to the back to find more comfortable breathing room. 5 minutes down the line, bus pulls up to a red light at a major intersection. I can be pictured standing right near the back, looking out the side window, with my headphones on, lost in my own music world. suddenly, I get tapped on the shoulder, look up...and its the friggin driver!! and.. he starts waving me to come with him to the front of the bus and is repeating "dong bong marte", so we wiggle our way through everyone and than he points across the street saying 'Dong Bong Marte', I have no idea what the hell he was getting at, but I definitely knew we were nowhere within 4 miles of 'dong bong marte', so I thanked him and went back to my spot, he went back to driving! However, this anecdote does go a long way towards exemplifying just how long the red lights are here. every single time i'm in my director's car and he hits a red light, he turns the car off,...to save gas i guess?
the 'Nazi' symbol(well a close alternative) symbolizes a 'temple' in Korea, its funny how you come to this understanding. Fresh off the plane, you are shocked to behold everyone in your newly inhibited country is an aspiring Kaiser. This leaves you scratching your head...bewildered,...puzzled,...which leads you to turn to a Korean co-worker and awkwardly ask "why are you wearing a necklace of the Nazi symbol?"...voilla! stepping aside,... I wonder how many Koreans reside in Israel.
introduced mini stick hockey to the students here at the school and they've burned an addiction. so, enough of this yammering on about the exciting and high scoring hockey i've been missing, its a bit far-fetched considering i seem to have no problems racking up scores of 12 - 3, and 14 - 2 against the kids on a daily basis.....and this during only 10 minute breaks between classes...man i'm good. kidding aside, its "hockey night in Korea" anymore, I just saw the Montreal vs Toronto game at a bar!!! and the owner told everyone from now on, every Thursday and Sunday she's going to show hockey games. so for anyone about to send me something in the mail, I'm changing addresses,.. I now live at KOP bar! Its funny cause there was like 15 Canadians there, and everyone mentioned they went the whole day avoiding the internet so they wouldn't see the score and have the game ruined.
on picking me up last monday morning, the director turned to me "did you have a good weekend?", I replied "yeah it was alright, until my wallet was stolen from my room?", as i'm in that same breath he says with a smile on his face "how is your room, is it warm?". What a response, I instinctively felt the need to high-five the old man, but couldn't find the guts. I knew he didn't get my message when straight away the next morning on my hoping into the SUV, he blurts out "I heard your wallet got stolen". Anyway, the preceding dialogue is a perfect blueprint of how conversations predominantly get shot between locals and foreigners, the last word of the others sentence is understood to be the correct key for stating a completely unrelated response.
hopped onto a city bus and asked the driver in my best Korean English "bus go to 'Dong Bong Marte'?". received a quick "anneyo (NO)", but figured, 'what the hell, don't need to go there today anyways, I know this bus will take me home'. so, I strolled on, bus was quite packed (unlike picture), so I strutted my stuff to the back to find more comfortable breathing room. 5 minutes down the line, bus pulls up to a red light at a major intersection. I can be pictured standing right near the back, looking out the side window, with my headphones on, lost in my own music world. suddenly, I get tapped on the shoulder, look up...and its the friggin driver!! and.. he starts waving me to come with him to the front of the bus and is repeating "dong bong marte", so we wiggle our way through everyone and than he points across the street saying 'Dong Bong Marte', I have no idea what the hell he was getting at, but I definitely knew we were nowhere within 4 miles of 'dong bong marte', so I thanked him and went back to my spot, he went back to driving! However, this anecdote does go a long way towards exemplifying just how long the red lights are here. every single time i'm in my director's car and he hits a red light, he turns the car off,...to save gas i guess? the 'Nazi' symbol(well a close alternative) symbolizes a 'temple' in Korea, its funny how you come to this understanding. Fresh off the plane, you are shocked to behold everyone in your newly inhibited country is an aspiring Kaiser. This leaves you scratching your head...bewildered,...puzzled,...which leads you to turn to a Korean co-worker and awkwardly ask "why are you wearing a necklace of the Nazi symbol?"...voilla! stepping aside,... I wonder how many Koreans reside in Israel.
introduced mini stick hockey to the students here at the school and they've burned an addiction. so, enough of this yammering on about the exciting and high scoring hockey i've been missing, its a bit far-fetched considering i seem to have no problems racking up scores of 12 - 3, and 14 - 2 against the kids on a daily basis.....and this during only 10 minute breaks between classes...man i'm good. kidding aside, its "hockey night in Korea" anymore, I just saw the Montreal vs Toronto game at a bar!!! and the owner told everyone from now on, every Thursday and Sunday she's going to show hockey games. so for anyone about to send me something in the mail, I'm changing addresses,.. I now live at KOP bar! Its funny cause there was like 15 Canadians there, and everyone mentioned they went the whole day avoiding the internet so they wouldn't see the score and have the game ruined.
"we'll take to the yard like a cockfight, four kicks whose strutting now"
"Yogi Yo" < top Korean word in my books, meaning simply "here"....
At the bar a few weeks back, I was chatting up this Korean girl I've been pining over for a while now, anyway, conversation ends, we go about our business and than I watch as she walks up to me and says "Are you gay?". More irate than called for (considering I liked the girl), I just walked away right pissed. Fast forward, I see her again last weekend, she does an instant replay, hits me up with "are you gay?". i lost it on her this time "what the hell are you talking about, i fuckin like you, i know i'm shy about it, but christ, come on i'm not fuckin gay". without hesitation she retorted "no, i said..are you okay?". exhibit A of how the accent can cause some interference! Anyway, me and 'e young hwa' are now dating and trying to pronounce each others names correctly at the same time.
my buddy tells me he's at this bar (filled predominantly with Koreans) the other week, when suddenly a brawl broke out, immediately the club turns the music off, and attends to it,...and than suddenly (in the middle of this scrap), whoever is in control of the stereo, cranks the volume to max. and blares out the Korean national anthem! this action opens quite a debate...think about it, did they play the country's song believing national pride might actually miraculously bring everything to a halt or were they rather impressing the message "rock and roll korea, keep up the good work, today 'taek won doe' practice is taking an early start".
the Korean police are nicknamed "courtesy cops" for their habit of standing by and watching fights more than going into action. I've been told they will literally never step in, until the combatants have had their fill. In fact, my buddy told me a firsthand account of seeing a rumble where the cops stood watch and even allowed the one dude to pick up some makeshift metal railing nearby which he started swinging at his challenger and eventually hurled in the cops direction, instead of taking it personal, the men in uniform simply shifted around the outside of their car to avoid the subjects of the tussle or maybe it was to get a better view. i just need to get my hands on the satellite feeds the cops are using to take in nhl games, for their shadowing nhl referee tactics.
my first witness to the fisticuffs was on friday night at about 5am, at this growingly seedy club, this way past drunk dude sitting at the bar, suddenly stands up, leans over the bar, grabs a liquor bottle and drills one of the bartenders on the head with it. somehow still standing, the barkeep runs around the bar, throws 'dumbass' to the tiled floor and just starts 'taek won doeing" him in the head. Now, sure to this point this could be mistaken for a regular occurrence in Canada, but than things got unique. When 'Bruce Lee' tired himself out kicking the guy, the bouncer steps in, picks the drunkard up and gently places him back on his stool to continue his drinking endeavours. Its been rumoured to me, that if you've got some won in your pocket here, they won't turn you away...its no longer a rumour to me!
while on the topic of "having money", last night while I was sleeping in my 10 x 10 ft. room, 'Jackie Chan's' brother-in-law walked into my unlocked bachelor apartment and snatched my wallet (and the $200 in it) from the table 4 ft. from my head, brave motherfucker! You know what, when I woke up this morning and discovered this, sure I was pissed that I'd been pinched, but damn, how quickly I settled on the realization that I'm a fortunate kid for not waking up in the middle of this heist, only to have insult added to injury by also being Karate chopped in the face by some Chuck Norris wannabe!
sometimes, who cares to end with a bang, i'll take the whimper.
in respects to round 2
this week i learned early signs to determining your childs sexual nature when one boy in my kindergarden class lifted up the shirt of another boy, inspected his stomach, smiled with appreciation and than gleefully embraced him in a "we're more than friends" hug. I know these kids are all too young, but i swear i witnessed one petrified look in the face of the victim...personally i could do nothing but laugh (which is all to sick in itself)..
i need to be fired and for the following reason alone...recently i was bestowed the power of naming a new boy, upon a Korean colleague suggesting the name "Tom", i was outraged and protested? "no, we've already got enough Tom's, how about 'Redneck'". The following is no lie... no sooner had I said it and laughed the teacher was writing 'R-E-D-N-E-C-K' on the front of the kids workbook. I dare you, try it out sometime, seriously look at a stranger and say "hey redneck, could you read number 4 please"...and try to keep it in, i couldn't. Before you quickly press 'reply' on this email to lecture me on the ethics of taking advantage of my position, hear me out...this kid had it coming. 7 years old or not...you walk into my class wearing a Canadian tuxedo (jeans, above and below the belt), with the jean pants ending at the shins and the jean jacket being a vest,...the
words "my parents respect me" no longer apply. I promise you one thing, thats one student whose name I won't forget.
in a drunken stupor on a long walk home from the bar have you ever thought of hilariously simple names that bars similar to the one you exited should adopt...koreans have. Here are the names of a few of the places I have encountered "Cool Bar", "U2", "Velvet Underground", "Club Vinyl", "J-Rock" (for trailor park boy fans),"Watermelon Sugar", "Hitler Bar" (fear rattles me from having entered this one as of yet).
interesting...police here drive around with their lights already flashing (this is normal not pulling anyone over driving), it leaves me curiously wondering how the hell you know that the cop wants you to pull over (can't be the sound of a siren because there's so much fuckin honking going on, you wouldn't be able to make it out...speaking of which, they have amazing vision here in being able to honk a warning a km in advance).
whatever, i fully embrace this culture, we just need some music.
i need to be fired and for the following reason alone...recently i was bestowed the power of naming a new boy, upon a Korean colleague suggesting the name "Tom", i was outraged and protested? "no, we've already got enough Tom's, how about 'Redneck'". The following is no lie... no sooner had I said it and laughed the teacher was writing 'R-E-D-N-E-C-K' on the front of the kids workbook. I dare you, try it out sometime, seriously look at a stranger and say "hey redneck, could you read number 4 please"...and try to keep it in, i couldn't. Before you quickly press 'reply' on this email to lecture me on the ethics of taking advantage of my position, hear me out...this kid had it coming. 7 years old or not...you walk into my class wearing a Canadian tuxedo (jeans, above and below the belt), with the jean pants ending at the shins and the jean jacket being a vest,...the
words "my parents respect me" no longer apply. I promise you one thing, thats one student whose name I won't forget.
in a drunken stupor on a long walk home from the bar have you ever thought of hilariously simple names that bars similar to the one you exited should adopt...koreans have. Here are the names of a few of the places I have encountered "Cool Bar", "U2", "Velvet Underground", "Club Vinyl", "J-Rock" (for trailor park boy fans),"Watermelon Sugar", "Hitler Bar" (fear rattles me from having entered this one as of yet).
interesting...police here drive around with their lights already flashing (this is normal not pulling anyone over driving), it leaves me curiously wondering how the hell you know that the cop wants you to pull over (can't be the sound of a siren because there's so much fuckin honking going on, you wouldn't be able to make it out...speaking of which, they have amazing vision here in being able to honk a warning a km in advance).
whatever, i fully embrace this culture, we just need some music.
Thursday, January 4, 2007
thrown out on the side of the new jersey turnpike
...one of the kindergartens came up to me laughing with a plastic zip lock bag completely covering his entire head....i guess nothing is funnier than a good suicide attempt.
while on the youngsters..., a few weeks back i'm teaching a kindergarden class (5 students), we're all sitting at a table drawing in complete silence, when (as usual) two of the kids start up a dialogue with each other in Korean, they seemed quite passionate about the conversation, raising my curiousity as to the subject of discussion. Feeling inferior and believing their dialogue to be beyond my intelligence I start imagining they're discussing some intense political topic. Right when I get carried away dreaming that the two are debating on the unification of Korea, the boy on my left gets up and starts twirling and skipping around the room like he's performing the most important dance routine of his life....at this moment reality struck me and gave me a more accurate estimation on the dialogue as being this:
(boy on left): "i can dance around like a fairy?"
(boy on right): "oh no, you can't, even if you can, I bet it won't be as good as my performance last week!"
(boy on left): "wanna bet?"
(boy on right): "let's see it!" .......the rest is history
Anyway, not long ago, I did get some insight into what the kids say. after school, me and the director were driving around Daejeon dropping the Kindergardens off at their respective homes, when we dropped off this one girl "Grace" (pictured below), she kept shouting something out repeatedly back towards the SUV from the street, I noticed that people around were stopping, looking in her direction and laughing, even the director was chuckling, anyway she kept on going as we pulled out. I asked the director, "what's so funny, what is she saying". He turns to me and says "she was yelling to Michael (kid in the backseat)..'you are crazy, you are crazy'"
final story...
went to church a ways back...korean teacher wouldn't stop harrassing me about going, so figured what the hell, anyway at this christian mass i discovered there is a portal (like in 'Being John Malkovich') entered from Alabama and allowing access inside a south korean church. The over-abundance of Bush loving americans didn't end with the patrons, even the 'blind pastor' was of american descent. Right away, it became quite obvious he was blind as he kept rambling "god is god, there is no other, he is the only god, there is none like him, he is god" ...I think the understanding of being in South korea got him thinking that no one understood simple english.
nonetheless, the entire prayer service wasn't a complete disaster, the full house band definately didn't disappoint. Turned out to be my first Rock N Roll show here in Korea.The band consisted of the blind pastor on lead guitar and vocals, Adam and Eve on backup vocals, and 'Comb Over' Kyle delivering viciously on the full drum kit (yeah, thats right full kit in church), the message was definately being drilled home. Its too bad they stuck to the religious set list, denying my request for some "Subterrean Homesick Blues" by Dylan. Even in what I suppose was the encore (music to lead out) they selected a second rendition of "O Holy Lord", I figure they could have at least ventured their religious word to include "Don't Stop Believin" by Journey or even "free fallin" by petty, but I guess they were 'blind' to this. (oh, weak aaron, weak).
life is funny when people are funny.
while on the youngsters..., a few weeks back i'm teaching a kindergarden class (5 students), we're all sitting at a table drawing in complete silence, when (as usual) two of the kids start up a dialogue with each other in Korean, they seemed quite passionate about the conversation, raising my curiousity as to the subject of discussion. Feeling inferior and believing their dialogue to be beyond my intelligence I start imagining they're discussing some intense political topic. Right when I get carried away dreaming that the two are debating on the unification of Korea, the boy on my left gets up and starts twirling and skipping around the room like he's performing the most important dance routine of his life....at this moment reality struck me and gave me a more accurate estimation on the dialogue as being this:
(boy on left): "i can dance around like a fairy?"
(boy on right): "oh no, you can't, even if you can, I bet it won't be as good as my performance last week!"
(boy on left): "wanna bet?"
(boy on right): "let's see it!" .......the rest is history
Anyway, not long ago, I did get some insight into what the kids say. after school, me and the director were driving around Daejeon dropping the Kindergardens off at their respective homes, when we dropped off this one girl "Grace" (pictured below), she kept shouting something out repeatedly back towards the SUV from the street, I noticed that people around were stopping, looking in her direction and laughing, even the director was chuckling, anyway she kept on going as we pulled out. I asked the director, "what's so funny, what is she saying". He turns to me and says "she was yelling to Michael (kid in the backseat)..'you are crazy, you are crazy'"
final story...
went to church a ways back...korean teacher wouldn't stop harrassing me about going, so figured what the hell, anyway at this christian mass i discovered there is a portal (like in 'Being John Malkovich') entered from Alabama and allowing access inside a south korean church. The over-abundance of Bush loving americans didn't end with the patrons, even the 'blind pastor' was of american descent. Right away, it became quite obvious he was blind as he kept rambling "god is god, there is no other, he is the only god, there is none like him, he is god" ...I think the understanding of being in South korea got him thinking that no one understood simple english.
nonetheless, the entire prayer service wasn't a complete disaster, the full house band definately didn't disappoint. Turned out to be my first Rock N Roll show here in Korea.The band consisted of the blind pastor on lead guitar and vocals, Adam and Eve on backup vocals, and 'Comb Over' Kyle delivering viciously on the full drum kit (yeah, thats right full kit in church), the message was definately being drilled home. Its too bad they stuck to the religious set list, denying my request for some "Subterrean Homesick Blues" by Dylan. Even in what I suppose was the encore (music to lead out) they selected a second rendition of "O Holy Lord", I figure they could have at least ventured their religious word to include "Don't Stop Believin" by Journey or even "free fallin" by petty, but I guess they were 'blind' to this. (oh, weak aaron, weak).
life is funny when people are funny.
"friends and family call me up, say 'your alright, but what the fuck'"
oh man, I'm chomping at the bits to spit this one out and hopefully you can enjoy it as much as I did seeing it unfold in front of mine eyes.
yours truly has befriended this guy 'Kevin'(pictured below) from Winnipeg. I knew straight away this kid would be a solid friend when he showed a quintessential side of my brother. Let me elaborate...I just meet the guy and he begins by spending 30 minutes explaining to me why he enjoys the taste of Rum and Coke, now I'm thinking, he's either Justin to a T or this guys an alcoholic. This while I'm in the middle of a game of pool, its my turn to shoot and here I am in quite a position trying not to be rude to my opponent, while also fending off giving the same rudeness to a friend I just met. Now, normally at home with my bro, I could and would just walk away without feeling guilt (he knows he's got me on 1,302 other topics), but its rather tough here. Regardless, I try to conclude his sentiment for him "yeah, rum and coke is great, it gets you drunk, cheers" and go take my shot, but when I get back in ear distance he picks er right up at the last word he uttered...incredible.
here's his story. Kevin is currently a prisoner of Korea, he is stranded here. You see, his school's director and recruiter arranged for him to acquire a fake diploma from the university of Illinois State, now Kevin has never even been inside the state itself, but he tells me "apparently, I'm extremely intelligent in Arts and Sciences", and you know what for the sake of helping innocent Korean children learn English, Kevin excels in Arts and Sciences. He got about 4 months into his contract when the wrong people uncovered this understanding and suddenly Kevin was kicked to the curb, booted out of his apartment, lost his job, and to top it off, the person who arranged and agreed to get him the fake credentials (the director) freezes his bank account and refuses to fork over his plane ticket home, upon discovering this news, Kevin jets to the bank, he demands to have his money, the teller puts out 1,900,000won on the counter in front of him, before he can grab it, his director comes in from behind him, takes hold of the money, and takes off for the door, Kevin stood there in shock, not knowing what to do. He confesses now to wishing he would have drop kicked the director right there to get his money back, but at the time all he thought was 'she just stole my money, that's robbery'. Unfortunately, the Korean courts somehow don't see it that way, and the director is getting away with taking his money. Kevin has himself worked out a deal with the prosecution, where they have agreed to not jail him so long as he doesn't try teaching anywhere else here. But, he finds himself stuck in Korea, crashing at his Korean girlfriends, no income and desperately working out some court proceedings and holding out for the director to at least give him his plane ticket home. The money is dwindling down, but hell he still knows how to party.
I know, I know, at this point "Aaron, Aaron, that's great you know, really interesting, but you just took away a minute of my precious life to fill me in on the details of 'Kevin from Winnipeg's' drama, frankly, i don't care". But, oh you will, I had to initially exasperate that introduction to set up this next little tale.
friday of this past weekend we elected to go to a new club opening, called 'Fuck Club', yeah so you can see why we went to check it out. after all the obvious obnoxious jokes were said on the journey "i wonder what the fuck this place is like.....where the fuck is it.... so this is fuckin it eh, what the fuck", we walk in and there is sparsely a crowd, but the Koreans present come rushing over, we liked the look of the place and were pining over staying, but there was a bar below it, with all you can drink for 10,000won ($10 american). So, Kevin threw out the brilliant idea of having his girlfriend tell them to offer us a deal and we would stay. And than right there in the middle of the dance floor, his girl and all these ecstatic korean ladies start having intense negotiations, it looked as though things were getting pretty elaborate, as if they were discussing the acquisition of a $2,000,000 company...and when the verdict finally struck down "We're on" (offered 9,000won for all we could drink) and immediately we were whisked away to the bar, sat down and than they proceeded to fill the counter in front of us with beers, it was like being back in the Dominican, minus the sunburn.
While finding a way to complain about not having a beach present, I turn to Kevin and intelligently comment "man, Koreans really trouble pronouncing some English words", wow, what a mind blowing genius observation, is that what a university of ottawa education looks like. Thankfully, he spared me some idiot patience and didn't punch out my expensive front teeth. Rather, he sportingly played off my hand..."yeah, actually 'young ju' (his girlfriend) has a problem with the word 'prosecution' and today a buddy of mine called looking for me and she excitedly told him 'no, kevin not here, he at prostitution today". His buddy told him later on, he was caught thinking, how would she know and why the hell is she ecstatic about him going to get a prostitute.
saturday called for this popular foreign bar,'kop' (stands for: keep on play'in). anyway, it was supposed to have the same deal on, but rather it was 5,000won to get in, with a complementary drink and a number for draws throughout the night for free drinks. place was pretty vacant. first draw came, they spit out a number, no one claims it, and again and than after about 2 more times of this happening, i took it upon my well educated self, to take stake with the next number called, if no one jumped on it right away, so it came, i belted "yeah, that's me". free drink. felt to natural so for every draw throughout the night, i proceeded to claim ownership, worked every time, also the number of free drinks increased with each draw. i seemed to have every single number called and no one got suspicious, the owner would even come over to me every time, shake my hand and say "congratulations". me and Kevin were piling up rum and coke after rum and coke in front of us. after flushing out their free drinks, booted it to a korean dance club Kevin knew. we get to the door and the bouncer tells us, its all full, just than the door opens, i look in and its half empty, liar, than these other koreans stroll along, the bouncer greets them and lets them in, buddy don't like whitey. than suddenly kevin mentions his name in a sentence about being there once before and knowing a bartender,the bouncer jumps in circles "KEVIN, your KEVIN" and throws open the door and lets us in, weird. I couldn't stop re-iterating that phrase booming "christ, your KEVIN, get the hell in here", until 7am rolled along and we ended our adventures.
I'd like to now state and clarify that I'm not gay. After all this talk of Kevin, I can see how one might angle that sentiment. Truth be heard, I am becoming more and more attracted to Korean girls, but at the same time, more and more wary. I've been told 986 times "Oh, you so handsome". To push the fear in me, I met a duder from Montreal who told me he was dating a Korean girl who ONE WEEK into the relationship, sitting opposite him in the lounge at the school they both teach at, texted him (mind you instead of blurting it out to the guy right there) the message "i love you!" and not in the "me love you long time" manner. Man, that's crazy, and completely something I would do. Since, he has been avoiding her like the plague, unfortunately they work together, haha.
7-11 is an impostor over here, besides not having the mandatory nachos & cheese, there are no tacuitos or slushies! I'm calling for a name change to 5-9, with the slogan "sorry we're missing a few crucial ingredients"
this email definitely isn't lacking.
yours truly has befriended this guy 'Kevin'(pictured below) from Winnipeg. I knew straight away this kid would be a solid friend when he showed a quintessential side of my brother. Let me elaborate...I just meet the guy and he begins by spending 30 minutes explaining to me why he enjoys the taste of Rum and Coke, now I'm thinking, he's either Justin to a T or this guys an alcoholic. This while I'm in the middle of a game of pool, its my turn to shoot and here I am in quite a position trying not to be rude to my opponent, while also fending off giving the same rudeness to a friend I just met. Now, normally at home with my bro, I could and would just walk away without feeling guilt (he knows he's got me on 1,302 other topics), but its rather tough here. Regardless, I try to conclude his sentiment for him "yeah, rum and coke is great, it gets you drunk, cheers" and go take my shot, but when I get back in ear distance he picks er right up at the last word he uttered...incredible.
here's his story. Kevin is currently a prisoner of Korea, he is stranded here. You see, his school's director and recruiter arranged for him to acquire a fake diploma from the university of Illinois State, now Kevin has never even been inside the state itself, but he tells me "apparently, I'm extremely intelligent in Arts and Sciences", and you know what for the sake of helping innocent Korean children learn English, Kevin excels in Arts and Sciences. He got about 4 months into his contract when the wrong people uncovered this understanding and suddenly Kevin was kicked to the curb, booted out of his apartment, lost his job, and to top it off, the person who arranged and agreed to get him the fake credentials (the director) freezes his bank account and refuses to fork over his plane ticket home, upon discovering this news, Kevin jets to the bank, he demands to have his money, the teller puts out 1,900,000won on the counter in front of him, before he can grab it, his director comes in from behind him, takes hold of the money, and takes off for the door, Kevin stood there in shock, not knowing what to do. He confesses now to wishing he would have drop kicked the director right there to get his money back, but at the time all he thought was 'she just stole my money, that's robbery'. Unfortunately, the Korean courts somehow don't see it that way, and the director is getting away with taking his money. Kevin has himself worked out a deal with the prosecution, where they have agreed to not jail him so long as he doesn't try teaching anywhere else here. But, he finds himself stuck in Korea, crashing at his Korean girlfriends, no income and desperately working out some court proceedings and holding out for the director to at least give him his plane ticket home. The money is dwindling down, but hell he still knows how to party.
I know, I know, at this point "Aaron, Aaron, that's great you know, really interesting, but you just took away a minute of my precious life to fill me in on the details of 'Kevin from Winnipeg's' drama, frankly, i don't care". But, oh you will, I had to initially exasperate that introduction to set up this next little tale.
friday of this past weekend we elected to go to a new club opening, called 'Fuck Club', yeah so you can see why we went to check it out. after all the obvious obnoxious jokes were said on the journey "i wonder what the fuck this place is like.....where the fuck is it.... so this is fuckin it eh, what the fuck", we walk in and there is sparsely a crowd, but the Koreans present come rushing over, we liked the look of the place and were pining over staying, but there was a bar below it, with all you can drink for 10,000won ($10 american). So, Kevin threw out the brilliant idea of having his girlfriend tell them to offer us a deal and we would stay. And than right there in the middle of the dance floor, his girl and all these ecstatic korean ladies start having intense negotiations, it looked as though things were getting pretty elaborate, as if they were discussing the acquisition of a $2,000,000 company...and when the verdict finally struck down "We're on" (offered 9,000won for all we could drink) and immediately we were whisked away to the bar, sat down and than they proceeded to fill the counter in front of us with beers, it was like being back in the Dominican, minus the sunburn.
While finding a way to complain about not having a beach present, I turn to Kevin and intelligently comment "man, Koreans really trouble pronouncing some English words", wow, what a mind blowing genius observation, is that what a university of ottawa education looks like. Thankfully, he spared me some idiot patience and didn't punch out my expensive front teeth. Rather, he sportingly played off my hand..."yeah, actually 'young ju' (his girlfriend) has a problem with the word 'prosecution' and today a buddy of mine called looking for me and she excitedly told him 'no, kevin not here, he at prostitution today". His buddy told him later on, he was caught thinking, how would she know and why the hell is she ecstatic about him going to get a prostitute.
saturday called for this popular foreign bar,'kop' (stands for: keep on play'in). anyway, it was supposed to have the same deal on, but rather it was 5,000won to get in, with a complementary drink and a number for draws throughout the night for free drinks. place was pretty vacant. first draw came, they spit out a number, no one claims it, and again and than after about 2 more times of this happening, i took it upon my well educated self, to take stake with the next number called, if no one jumped on it right away, so it came, i belted "yeah, that's me". free drink. felt to natural so for every draw throughout the night, i proceeded to claim ownership, worked every time, also the number of free drinks increased with each draw. i seemed to have every single number called and no one got suspicious, the owner would even come over to me every time, shake my hand and say "congratulations". me and Kevin were piling up rum and coke after rum and coke in front of us. after flushing out their free drinks, booted it to a korean dance club Kevin knew. we get to the door and the bouncer tells us, its all full, just than the door opens, i look in and its half empty, liar, than these other koreans stroll along, the bouncer greets them and lets them in, buddy don't like whitey. than suddenly kevin mentions his name in a sentence about being there once before and knowing a bartender,the bouncer jumps in circles "KEVIN, your KEVIN" and throws open the door and lets us in, weird. I couldn't stop re-iterating that phrase booming "christ, your KEVIN, get the hell in here", until 7am rolled along and we ended our adventures.
I'd like to now state and clarify that I'm not gay. After all this talk of Kevin, I can see how one might angle that sentiment. Truth be heard, I am becoming more and more attracted to Korean girls, but at the same time, more and more wary. I've been told 986 times "Oh, you so handsome". To push the fear in me, I met a duder from Montreal who told me he was dating a Korean girl who ONE WEEK into the relationship, sitting opposite him in the lounge at the school they both teach at, texted him (mind you instead of blurting it out to the guy right there) the message "i love you!" and not in the "me love you long time" manner. Man, that's crazy, and completely something I would do. Since, he has been avoiding her like the plague, unfortunately they work together, haha.
7-11 is an impostor over here, besides not having the mandatory nachos & cheese, there are no tacuitos or slushies! I'm calling for a name change to 5-9, with the slogan "sorry we're missing a few crucial ingredients"
this email definitely isn't lacking.
sittin' here in silence
...i have gotten an unprecedented number of requests for a picture of 'redneck' (below), what?... i give the boy a name and suddenly he's given the stature of a 'michael jackson'. than again, maybe it's getting to his head...the other day he came in to class wearing a black leather glove on one hand (i promise I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried)
i'm competitive...all of you should know this. let me get to the point, playing a game of 'one-card' with some middle school students in class, suddenly i lose out on a prime opportunity to win (as i usually ensure is the end result), so i accidently react by quietly letting out "fuck!". the kids picked up on this right away and repeat it...I get embarrassed and start harping "no, no, don't say that"..(which was a mistake in its own). so the girls went haywire throwing it around, luckily for me they were mistaken and thought it was "buck", so i acted like they had me. I was especially releaved of this fact when class ended and they swarmed out screaming "buck" in every direction my director or fellow teachers could be....fast forward to a week later (today), same class....i got a package in the mail from eric delivered to the school, so, i open it right up in class, as i'm happily filing through the vast list of burnt CDs he sent (Eric your the man), the girls grab the unread letter/commentary portion and to my surprise (because 'english' definately isn't there top subject,...no fault of the stellar teacher) they begin to put their best attempts forward and take a shot at reading it aloud. as they each get lost on a word, they pass it on to the next person (i start realizing this as a good a lesson as any and i benefit in trying to make out eric's messages....i think eric might know where this is going)..suddenly the current reader enunciates loud and clear "FUCK!" I jump at the letter...end of lesson! can you guess what they did when class ended......
...yet i'm still here and making money. meanwhile, "heather" the friend i flew over here with, just got laid off from her school (they're losing students and going bankrupt), on top of that the director had the nerve of telling her to leave Daejeon in finding another placement as it looks bad on his schools reputation if others find out what happened, haha!
this email is lacking i know (enter an ever amusing kindergarden story) set up...its class 'cut and paste' time, which inevitably means get your party hat on, cause one of the punks has an original surprise in store. things are going good, i feel like i got everyone in check, suddenly all the kids are gasping, laughing and pointing at the 'one that got away', immediately i see a somewhat large pile of hair on the ground, a quick glance up and i lost it laughing. yeah, "danny" decided he wasn't content with his somewhat conservative haircut, so he made the executive decision that creating a significant bald spot about halfway up his right forehead would suit him just fine. no offence to danny, but he made the wrong choice!... and thats one of them cuts where 'hell, you can't go back', although he seemed quite overjoyed with the new look regardless. anyway, before i could step in to do something more productive than laugh, a korean teacher heard the proud celebrations and came flying in,..and as if the 'hairdo' he was now proudly sporting wasn't punishment enough, he got reamed out and the regular but never dulling in amusement, 'stand in the corner with your hands in the air'. kids just look so foolish standing there with their hands in the air with no purpose than to have the others laugh at their expense. poor kid, he takes the fall for me putting those scissors in his hands, i feel like i could have done something, than again, i don't wanna be blamed for putting the brakes on a potential barber. danny's happy, i'm happy, another day's work!
lastly...in korea, when a new store opens (any kind of store) the following occurs the first day of business: the entrance is covered with a rainbow of balloons, ghetto korean dancing music is blared on the street by the store, and they hire cheerleader dancing girls, who wear uniforms and do syncronized routines all day long on the sidewalk in front of the store. when you are within a blocks distance, there's no doubt, a new store is open...
...and its just another day in korea.
i'm competitive...all of you should know this. let me get to the point, playing a game of 'one-card' with some middle school students in class, suddenly i lose out on a prime opportunity to win (as i usually ensure is the end result), so i accidently react by quietly letting out "fuck!". the kids picked up on this right away and repeat it...I get embarrassed and start harping "no, no, don't say that"..(which was a mistake in its own). so the girls went haywire throwing it around, luckily for me they were mistaken and thought it was "buck", so i acted like they had me. I was especially releaved of this fact when class ended and they swarmed out screaming "buck" in every direction my director or fellow teachers could be....fast forward to a week later (today), same class....i got a package in the mail from eric delivered to the school, so, i open it right up in class, as i'm happily filing through the vast list of burnt CDs he sent (Eric your the man), the girls grab the unread letter/commentary portion and to my surprise (because 'english' definately isn't there top subject,...no fault of the stellar teacher) they begin to put their best attempts forward and take a shot at reading it aloud. as they each get lost on a word, they pass it on to the next person (i start realizing this as a good a lesson as any and i benefit in trying to make out eric's messages....i think eric might know where this is going)..suddenly the current reader enunciates loud and clear "FUCK!" I jump at the letter...end of lesson! can you guess what they did when class ended......
...yet i'm still here and making money. meanwhile, "heather" the friend i flew over here with, just got laid off from her school (they're losing students and going bankrupt), on top of that the director had the nerve of telling her to leave Daejeon in finding another placement as it looks bad on his schools reputation if others find out what happened, haha!
this email is lacking i know (enter an ever amusing kindergarden story) set up...its class 'cut and paste' time, which inevitably means get your party hat on, cause one of the punks has an original surprise in store. things are going good, i feel like i got everyone in check, suddenly all the kids are gasping, laughing and pointing at the 'one that got away', immediately i see a somewhat large pile of hair on the ground, a quick glance up and i lost it laughing. yeah, "danny" decided he wasn't content with his somewhat conservative haircut, so he made the executive decision that creating a significant bald spot about halfway up his right forehead would suit him just fine. no offence to danny, but he made the wrong choice!... and thats one of them cuts where 'hell, you can't go back', although he seemed quite overjoyed with the new look regardless. anyway, before i could step in to do something more productive than laugh, a korean teacher heard the proud celebrations and came flying in,..and as if the 'hairdo' he was now proudly sporting wasn't punishment enough, he got reamed out and the regular but never dulling in amusement, 'stand in the corner with your hands in the air'. kids just look so foolish standing there with their hands in the air with no purpose than to have the others laugh at their expense. poor kid, he takes the fall for me putting those scissors in his hands, i feel like i could have done something, than again, i don't wanna be blamed for putting the brakes on a potential barber. danny's happy, i'm happy, another day's work!
lastly...in korea, when a new store opens (any kind of store) the following occurs the first day of business: the entrance is covered with a rainbow of balloons, ghetto korean dancing music is blared on the street by the store, and they hire cheerleader dancing girls, who wear uniforms and do syncronized routines all day long on the sidewalk in front of the store. when you are within a blocks distance, there's no doubt, a new store is open...
...and its just another day in korea.
"wishing i could see myself, wishing i was someone else"
some of the english material we have to work with baffles the mind. Just nonsense I've never spoken in my 24 years of rambling. For people trying to learn the basics of the English language, its comical what is being thrown at them to repeat. Let me elaborate...a couple weeks ago I walk into the teachers lounge at the school, the director (picture a 65 yr old man) confronts me "what does 'peed' mean", I thought I heard him wrong, so I let out "what?", he repeats "PEED" and continues.. "I've been looking for it in the dictionary, but its not in here". Through a large smirk, I ask him where he heard the word (assuming, of course, he's gonna toss out the name of one of my students), he hands me a story which the children are doing a test on and the story unfolds that (keep your imagination here) Jim and John are stuck in a boiling pot of soup in which a cannibal has thrown them in with plans to eat them, it elaborates that at such a scary time, for some reason Jim is laughing. The conversation ensues, with John stating "how can you laugh at a time like this?" to which Jim responds "I just peed in the soup". After I got a hold of myself, I realized this respectable elder was still staring at me anticipating my clear definition of the word "PEED", there I was fumbling to explain, thinking do I demonstrate in actions urrr...suddenly I blurted "it means to go to the bathroom, the urinate way". What followed was quite a sight to behold: 3 Korean adults sitting around practicing their pronunciation of "Peed", like it can actually be said wrong!
speaking of which, yesterday I looked over a sheet my director is studying containing 30 or so english phrases to practice and learn, one of em read "speaking of girlfriends, is it true that you like heavy girls?". need I comment...,might as well teach the essentials!
in the first month I was here, I got lectured by my boss (the director's son) and what I painfully absorbed from his chopped english was.. to stop listening to music on my headphones between breaks and rather he wanted me out in the hallway practicing english conversations with the kids (understand, at this time, no other teachers or students in the entire school could hold a 30 second conversation with me, so I couldn't even explain to him that the main reason I listen to music is to maintain my sanity and not lose my mind). Very well, I could strut into the hall and corner one of the kids and slowly dictate "WHAT DID YOU DO BEFORE SCHOOL TODAY?" and if they didn't stare back at me like I was a white person in South Korea, than they would do that and additionally scream and run away. anyway, coming back full circle, the reason I regurgitated this conversation is today I get into the passenger side of the guys car. I'm wondering whats taking him so long to get in, suddenly I notice him with a dry mop in his hand and he's wiping down dust from the entire exterior, guess he wanted his piece of shit '93 Hyundai to look like a new piece of shit '93 Hyundai for the 2min. ride we were going on. Eventually he satisfies this odd task and gets in. Then, he proceeds to put on headphones and presses play on his disc man attached to his belt, and I can hear it belting out some obnoxious bag pipe music/english news into his ears, and he starts driving, it was hilariously rude, but I couldn't help but chuckle at the hypocrite. To top it off, one of the other korean teachers told me later he listens to learn more english....well, well what the fuck is the 150lb ornament sitting beside him here for.
in teaching the kindergartens, I have a practice of going around and aiding each one individually, rather than attempting to control the group, I gave my shot at that and... fuck that's like trying to ride five raging bulls at one time, when we could all agree taking on one would be a hell of a feat. frequently while I'm yelling in one kids ear, some other kid will begin belting "aaron teacher, aaron teacher" and than continually repeating some Korean gibberish over and over, finally I always snap and look up "WHAT? god, stop speaking Korean, I'll be with you in a minute, I'm helping Shrek right now!" Than I'll always stop and notice the kid is grabbing their crotch and shaking..."oh washroom, yeah go ahead"
from the nature of my emails, I take it you all get the impression that I spend a good amount of my time here laughing, well the truth is, i do. but don't go judging me assuming its one way, there are laughs at my expense too. ex. yesterday, while eating on the floor at a restaurant, I began the common re-adjusting and stretching my back from pain, some Koreans caught sight and started howling. I did the only thing I know, gave em the thumbs up and said "Celine Dion is good, yes?"
speaking of which, yesterday I looked over a sheet my director is studying containing 30 or so english phrases to practice and learn, one of em read "speaking of girlfriends, is it true that you like heavy girls?". need I comment...,might as well teach the essentials!
in the first month I was here, I got lectured by my boss (the director's son) and what I painfully absorbed from his chopped english was.. to stop listening to music on my headphones between breaks and rather he wanted me out in the hallway practicing english conversations with the kids (understand, at this time, no other teachers or students in the entire school could hold a 30 second conversation with me, so I couldn't even explain to him that the main reason I listen to music is to maintain my sanity and not lose my mind). Very well, I could strut into the hall and corner one of the kids and slowly dictate "WHAT DID YOU DO BEFORE SCHOOL TODAY?" and if they didn't stare back at me like I was a white person in South Korea, than they would do that and additionally scream and run away. anyway, coming back full circle, the reason I regurgitated this conversation is today I get into the passenger side of the guys car. I'm wondering whats taking him so long to get in, suddenly I notice him with a dry mop in his hand and he's wiping down dust from the entire exterior, guess he wanted his piece of shit '93 Hyundai to look like a new piece of shit '93 Hyundai for the 2min. ride we were going on. Eventually he satisfies this odd task and gets in. Then, he proceeds to put on headphones and presses play on his disc man attached to his belt, and I can hear it belting out some obnoxious bag pipe music/english news into his ears, and he starts driving, it was hilariously rude, but I couldn't help but chuckle at the hypocrite. To top it off, one of the other korean teachers told me later he listens to learn more english....well, well what the fuck is the 150lb ornament sitting beside him here for.
in teaching the kindergartens, I have a practice of going around and aiding each one individually, rather than attempting to control the group, I gave my shot at that and... fuck that's like trying to ride five raging bulls at one time, when we could all agree taking on one would be a hell of a feat. frequently while I'm yelling in one kids ear, some other kid will begin belting "aaron teacher, aaron teacher" and than continually repeating some Korean gibberish over and over, finally I always snap and look up "WHAT? god, stop speaking Korean, I'll be with you in a minute, I'm helping Shrek right now!" Than I'll always stop and notice the kid is grabbing their crotch and shaking..."oh washroom, yeah go ahead"
from the nature of my emails, I take it you all get the impression that I spend a good amount of my time here laughing, well the truth is, i do. but don't go judging me assuming its one way, there are laughs at my expense too. ex. yesterday, while eating on the floor at a restaurant, I began the common re-adjusting and stretching my back from pain, some Koreans caught sight and started howling. I did the only thing I know, gave em the thumbs up and said "Celine Dion is good, yes?"
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